We all get frustrated over something at sometime in
our lives - but when you really need help with something 'frustration' doesn’t always cover how you feel.
Due
to my polio I’ve always had difficulty walking, and when I need to do something that I really need to do (but can’t)
I get annoyed with myself. When this happens my past experience has taught me that the next option is to ask for help - which
will usually go one of two ways. Help will be available there and then or I get the the usual “yes I’ll do that
for you” which then leads to me waiting around getting stressed and wondering if my request was actually understood
or thinking something unforeseen has happened that now prevents that help.
So my thoughts then turn to 'should
I ask somebody else' and 'what if they both turn up at the same time' and the worry of embarrassment ensues. Next
is 'can I afford to pay for help', not very likely as the cost out-ways the job.So, as time passes I want to get on and I end up doing what I always
do and do it myself.
I have put myself in some jeopardy at times but small victory’s give me such a boost
and not getting any success really get’s my goat.Self-reliance has always been my motto but I’m also a realist and I do realize that I can’t always rely
on my own determination to get through life, even though I push it to the limit every time.
Time passes and I now have to
use a power-chair to get around and boy does that cause problems. I can no longer reach shelves when I want to hammer, screw,
tape or just move something.So
I receive a request from members of my family for information contained in the documents box in the attic and of course I
am unable to access it up the ladder that needs to be pulled down to reach the attic space, I find I want some photographs
or a suitcase - always it’s in the attic.
My teenage son arrives home
from school (yes he can access the attic for me but try and get a teenager to understand what you want or need is like trying
to get to the moon) “it’s not here” yet you know it is! “I can’t find it” or “it’s
not up here” why did I ask?
What’s next? wait until the wife comes home, hell she’s had a hard day so
it’s “I’ll look later - what’s so important - or -whats the the hurry”, I’ll just
put my life on hold shall I while this is sorted.
Eventually my wife gets into the attic “who’s been up here?”
why let our son up here the mess is everywhere and who has to clean it up eh?Frustration all around now my wife annoyed with having to do this and me
for two reasons one I have to ask my wife to help and two because I’m now treated like a naughty schoolboy having dared
to ask for help in the first place.
What to do - put myself in danger because I need to get something done,
leave it, or ask for help. - Whatever option I pick there are always consequences.
I’m forever being lectured to ask for help when I
need something, yet I can’t stand the looks or comments I get when I do. People seem to have double standards - ask for help but
don’t inconvenience me doing it. Do I like having to ask for help? hell no, because I don’t have to go out to
work I’m classed as having nothing to do all day so I can wait on everyone else’s time and convenience.
My wife
is hard working I grant you, and it bothers me she has to do more than her share because of the way I am - but hell!
since my own self reliance went out of the window I feel more of a cripple now than I ever have in my whole life and so this
leads to my Frustration.
